Just a Few Things that I Ain't
by the Beautiful South
64-bit .mp3
When you call me a useless druggie
At least you got half of it right
When you call me a hopeless alcoholic
I'm only hopeless after nine at night
When you said I came staggering home blind drunk
If I didn't you'd get terrible fright
And if this is the land of hope and glory
Where's the land of hope but not quite
I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someone's binbag
But never been Bono or Sting
However I dressed, never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been badman, sadman, certified mad
But never double-oh-seven or Saint
Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter
Are just a few things that I ain't
The time you told class I was a half-wit
Was my very first 50%
Previous best, in any other test
Was either stolen, copied, or lent
When you branded me and every single one of my mates
A waste of time and effort to teach
Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums
On someone else's deck chair and beach
I've been smart arse, mardy-arse, on and off a lard-arse
But never been a legend or God
New thing, done thing, even last years thing
Headbang? - Not even a nod
I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained wings
But never caused a lady to faint
Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy
A few things they said that I ain't
When popularity soared, hometown and abroad
I spent most of it trying to breath in
Always ill at ease, too willing to please
And in fear of life's bargain bin
When you come from a background of bargain bins
You're bound to fear it ends where it begins
So when nation adored, we felt more of a fraud
And too phoney to celebrate wins
I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someone's binbag
But never been Bono or Sting
However I dressed, never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been badman, sadman, certified mad
But never double-oh-seven or Saint
Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter
Are just a few things that I ain't